Thirty-one year old James Winthrop Frayne pressed down on the gas pedal wishing his jeep would go faster. Glancing at his brother-in-law, Mart Belden, he realized he had the same anguish on his face.

Looking back at the road in front of him, Jim thought about the call he received from his father, Matthew Wheeler. His father called him and requested him to get to Crabapple Farm, his wife's parents home, as soon as possible. He was also to bring his brother-in-law with him. There was no word as to what was going on.

Terrible thoughts swirled through his head as he drove. His wife had planned to visit her mother after dropping their five-year-old daughter off at kindergarten. Trixie and Moms, as they all called her, were going to start making preparations for the annual Thanksgiving open house. Their two-and-a-half month old son was with her.

Could something have happened to the baby? he wondered. Or maybe it was Trixie?

At that moment he saw an ambulance coming toward them. As it passed, Mart said, "Get to the farm."

Jim nodded and pushed the jeep to its limit. Pulling into the driveway of Crabapple Farm, they were surprised to see that not only was Trixie's jeep there, but also Brian Belden's and a police cruiser. After shifting his jeep into park, Jim and Mart jumped out and hurried inside.

Stepping into the kitchen, Jim saw his father standing there holding the baby. Jim asked, "What happened?"

"Follow me," Matthew said.

Jim and Mart followed him into the living room. They saw Brian and Trixie were seated on the couch. Police Chief Wendell Molinson was standing by the fireplace.

Jim focused on his wife as he moved to her side. Her face was white and she was staring at the floor. Glancing at his brother-in-law, he saw Brian's face was just as pale.

"What happened?" Jim asked as he sat down beside Trixie.

"Where's Moms?" Mart asked quickly.

"Jim, Mart," Chief Molinson began, "I hate to have to break this to you, but Helen died a short while ago."

"NO!" Mart yelled.

Jim stared at the chief then looked at his wife. Glancing at Brian, he raised his eyebrows. "She's in shock," Brian said rubbing her back. "She found Moms."

"What?" Jim asked.

"From the dispatch reports, your mother was unconscious and unresponsive when Trixie found her. She wasn't breathing. Trixie started CPR and continued until help arrived," Chief Molinson said. "Once the paramedics took over, she sat on the couch and hasn't moved."

Jim looked at his father. "How did you know?"

"I was about to get Jupiter ready for a ride when I saw the ambulance and police car," Matthew said. “Then I saw Trixie's jeep and wondered if something happened to her. I rushed down here and saw it was Helen who was being taken care of. That’s when I called you."

"Does Dad know?" Mart asked quietly.

"One of the officers went to the bank," Chief Molinson said. "I do think one of you should meet your father at the hospital."

Jim tuned out the rest of the conversation and focused on Trixie. He was stunned, almost as much as his in-laws, that Moms, as they all called her, was dead. He couldn't believe it. He had feelings for his mother-in-law that were similar to the ones for his birth mother. His adopted mother was wonderful, but he seemed to have a greater connection with Moms.

"Jim," a voice said getting his attention.

Looking away from Trixie, he saw Brian was now kneeling in front of him. Jim said, "I'm all right."

"You got this far off look on your face," Brian said concerned.

"I'm fine." He looked at Trixie. He put his hand underneath her chin lifting it so she was looking at him. "Sweetie, look at me." Trixie didn't blink. She just stared at him. Before he could say anything, their son, Jimmy, started crying. "Dad, bring him here."

Matthew brought Jimmy over and slid the baby into his son's arms. Jimmy continued to cry. Jim saw a pair of arms reaching toward him. Quickly glancing up, he saw it was Trixie. He set their son in her arms and she pulled Jimmy close.

Jim looked at Brian. "I think she'll be all right. Go ahead to the hospital and meet Dad."

“Are you sure?" Brian asked.

"I'll stick around until you return," Matthew said.

"All right," Brian said getting to his feet. He looked at Matthew. "Could you call Honey and Di? They need to know."

"Of course," Matthew said. "What about the rest of your family? Do you want me to call them too?"

Brian shook his head. "I'll take care of it when we get back."

Jim watched Brian give Trixie a kiss on the top of her head before leaving the house with Mart and the chief. As his father left the room to make the calls, Jim turned to his wife and wrapped his right arm around her shoulder. They leaned back holding Jimmy close.

"Sweetie, talk to me," Jim said softly. "Tell me what you're thinking." Trixie remained quiet.

Her silence bothered Jim. He had never seen her so unresponsive. He thought, I just need to give her time to sort through her thoughts. She loved Moms so much. But it must also be difficult to find one of your parents dead. It still is unbelievable that she's gone. It seems like we're all living this nightmare. But it's real

* * * * *

All day long, Jim sat with Trixie on the couch. She took care of Jimmy by instinct, never letting him out of arm's reach. She kept quiet as she continued to stare at the living room floor. When Peter Belden returned to the house, he hugged his daughter, but she didn't return the gesture.

Mid afternoon brought all the grandchildren to the farm. The Wheeler's chauffeur had made the rounds and picked them all up at the end of the day. Jim heard the questions asking where Grandmoms was and why everyone looked sad. The children were ushered into the living room with the family so that Peter could break the news to them. Their five-year-old daughter Katje, moved to Jim and sat down on his lap.

"Kids, there's something you need to know," Peter said. "Grandmoms passed away this morning."

"What does that mean?" Katje asked.

"Grandmoms is gone. She's in heaven," Peter said.

"Can we go see her?" Brian's son, Pete, asked.

"No, we can't," Brian said crouching down behind his son. "Where she's gone, we can't go."

The children sat quietly trying to understand everything that was going on. Jim pulled Katje close against his chest. He had a feeling the children really didn't understand, but had to know.

Madeline Wheeler suggested the children come into the kitchen for a snack. The children quietly got to their feet and followed her.

Jim watched his father-in-law once the children were gone. Peter put his head in his hands, shocked.

"Brian," Jim said breaking the silence. "Is there any word on what caused Moms to...?

"Nothing yet," Brian said. He moved to the chair and sat down on the arm beside his wife, Honey. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "We should know something tomorrow."

"Is there anything we can do?" Di, Mart's wife asked trying to hold back the tears.

Peter lifted his head and looked at each one of them. "Not tonight."

"Leave my cookies alone!" Aaron, one of Mart's twins, yelled. Mart let out a sigh and went into the kitchen.

* * * * *

Later that night, Jim drove Trixie and their children back to their house, Ten Acres. He figured he'd end up carrying both the sleeping children inside, but Trixie grabbed the baby carrier and went inside leaving Katje for him. By the time he had her settled in bed, he was exhausted. Stepping into the master bedroom, he saw Trixie was changed and feeding Jimmy again.

He quickly changed and slid into the bed beside her. He watched as their son ate. When Jimmy was finished and placed in his bassinet, Jim pulled Trixie close wishing she would say something.

"Trixie, sweetie, please talk to me. Your silence is scaring me." Trixie leaned her head on his chest and held him tight. "Sweetie, I know this is a shock. You can talk to me. I'm not going anywhere." Jim kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Trixie Frayne."

Jim kept his arm around her as they settled under the covers. He knew that when Trixie was ready, she would talk to him. He knew he couldn't force her. She had to open up on her own.

* * * * *

Trixie tried to understand why her mother was dead. She thought about entering the house and finding Moms unconscious on the floor. She thought, why did this have to happen? Why did she have to die? It's not fair. It shouldn't have happened. Maybe I should have done more. If I had, she could still be alive. But I was doing everything I was told. Why couldn't I get her breathing? Why didn't it work? What did I do wrong?

She started to cry. I failed Moms. The one time she really needed me I couldn't come through. I let Moms down.

"Sweetie," Jim said softly. He pulled her closer. "It's all right. Go ahead and cry."

Trixie knew she couldn't hold the tears back any longer. She had held them at bay all day long, but couldn't any longer. Burying her head into his chest, she let the tears fall. Jim rubbed her back and held her close. She knew this was what she needed right then.

Turning her head, she cried, "Why Moms?"

"I don't know," Jim said softly. "I wish I did."

"I failed Moms. I found her and couldn't help her. She was laying on the living room floor with her eyes open. I called out to her, but she wouldn't move. I checked for a pulse, but she didn't have one. After calling for an ambulance, I did as they told me, but it didn't work. I couldn't get her heart started."

"You did your best," Jim said. "You did everything you possibly could. Moms death is not your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"Why did she die?"

"We need to wait and see what the doctor says." Jim kissed the top of her head. "Nothing you did was wrong. It showed how much you loved Moms because you did everything in your power to save her life."

"I can't believe she's gone."

"Neither can I."

Trixie felt tears coming from Jim. She knew how much Moms meant to him. She knew he was hurting as much as she was. She looked up at his face and brushed the tears from his cheeks. "I'm sorry you're hurting."

Jim brushed a curl off her forehead. "I'm hurting because you're upset."

"But you once said that Moms was so much like your birth mother. Moms death must be affecting you too."

"It is, but I'm okay. I'm more concerned about you. I know how close you and Moms were. That closeness is something you will never forget."

"I still wish this hadn't happened." Trixie set her head back on Jim's chest.

"I know. I think everyone is wishing the same thing. But we all know that the past can't be changed. We just have to move forward."

Trixie continued to cry as Jim held her close. She knew all her wishing would never bring Moms back. The reality that they would never talk again finally hit. She couldn't believe how easily life changed in such a short time.

*****

Trixie tossed and turned most of the night. Just before sunrise, she fell asleep wrapped in Jim's arms.

"Momma. Wake up Momma," a small voice called out to her. Forcing her eyes open, she saw Katje standing beside the bed. "Momma, get up."

"What is it?" Trixie asked sleepily.

"I'll be late for school"

"I'm coming."

As Katje ran out of the room, Trixie pulled herself to a sitting position. Looking around, she realized she was alone in the room and wondered where Jim and the baby were. Slipping her robe on, she moved into Katje's room and helped her to get dressed.

After leaving her daughter to find her shoes, she made her way downstairs. Stepping into the kitchen, she saw Jim seated at the table feeding their son. Moving over to him, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Morning Jim."

"Morning, sweetie."

"How long have you been up?" Trixie asked sitting beside him.

"A couple hours. This little one was hungry."

"I didn't even hear him."

Jim looked at her. "You had other things swirling around in your head."

"Daddy, I'm going to be late," Katje said running into the kitchen.

"Stop running in the house," Jim said turning to face her. "And you won't be late. Regan will be here in a few minutes to pick you up. He will also be there at the end of the day, so look for him."

"I will."

The sound of a vehicle coming up the driveway could be heard.

"And here he is now," Jim said. "Be good."

"I will." Katje gave them each a kiss before running out the door.

Trixie looked at her husband. "Whose idea was it for her to go to school today?"

Jim said slowly, "I thought it would be all right."

"I think it is. She's still too young to really understand what's going on."

Jim reached over and caressed her cheek. "How are you doing?"

"I'm all right."

"Are you sure? You were tossing a lot in bed."

"It's just so hard to believe." Trixie could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

Jim slid his chair close to her and pulled her to his chest. "I know." After calming down, Trixie leaned back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She looked at Jim. She couldn't believe how understanding he was. She didn't think she deserved someone so wonderful. "Do you want to go to the farm, Trix?"

"I think I should. Dad is going to need me."

"Why don't you go get cleaned up while I take care of this little one. Then we'll head over."

"Jim, you must have a lot to do at the school. You don't have to come."

"I want to." Jim brushed a curl off her forehead. "I've told you this before. Your family is my family and I'm going to be there for you."

Trixie smiled at Jim. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * * * *

A couple hours later, Jim and Trixie were back at the farm. They weren't the only ones. Both her older brothers and there wives had also arrived. They were sitting in the living room discussing arrangements for the wake and funeral. While they talked, Trixie kept an eye on her father. She had never seen him so sad. He also seemed to have aged overnight. Without the others noticing, he got up from his easy chair and went into the kitchen.

Trixie slid off the couch and followed him. Entering the kitchen, she saw him sitting at the table. She moved over and sat beside him. As she reached for his hand, he looked at her and squeezed her hand. "How are you doing?"

"I'm all right, Dad. But I'm worried about you."

Peter gave her a small smile. "I'll be okay."

"Does Bobby know yet?"

"Brian got a hold of him last night and will be back later today."

"Have we heard how this happened?"

"Not yet. Trix, I don't want you to blame yourself for anything that happened to Moms. You did everything you could for her."

"But it wasn't enough."

"Sweetheart, your love for your mother was all that mattered. You followed directions until help arrived. There just wasn't anything you could have done."

The phone ringing interrupted their conversation. Turning, they saw Brian answer the phone. "Belden residence." He paused. "Hi doctor, do you have some news for us?" He paused again and looked into the kitchen. "Are you sure that was the cause? All right. Thanks for the call."

As Brian set the phone down, Trixie and Peter moved toward him. Brian pulled Trixie to his chest and said, "The autopsy results are in."

"And?" Peter asked.

"Let's go in the living room. I only want to do this once."

They went into the room and the other conversation stopped. Trixie moved to Jim and took her place beside him. She took his hand in hers as she watched Brian sit down beside Honey.

"What did the doctor say?" Mart asked.

"The autopsy revealed that Moms died of an aneurysm," Brian said.

"Could it have been caught early?" Mart asked.

Brian shook his head. "No. Aneurysms are hard to find even with all the tests and equipment this profession has."

"Would it have helped if I had found Moms sooner?" Trixie asked.

Brian shook his head again. "The doctor said nothing would have worked even if someone had been here when it happened."

"So, what's the next step?" Di asked sniffing back the tears.

"We'll have the wake on Friday," Peter said. "Then the funeral on Saturday. Your mother wouldn't want anything dragged out."

"What arrangements need to be made?" Trixie asked knowing she had to do something.

"Everything has already been taken care of," Brian said and listed where the viewing would take place and the location of the funeral. "Moms will be buried alongside the rest of the Beldens in Sleepyside Cemetery."

"Is there anything we can do?" Jim asked. "I think all of us need to do something."

"I think everyone will probably come back here to the farm after the service," Peter said.

"I think we should clean this place up then," Trixie said.

"With all of us doing it, the work shouldn't take too long," Honey said wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Then let's get started," Trixie said.

As everyone started to work, Trixie thought about Moms. She knew that Moms would never get to see her grandchildren grow and that bothered her.

"Trix," Jim said getting her attention.

Turning to her husband, she saw he was staring at her intently. "What is it?"

Jim brushed a curl off her forehead. He said softly, "I'm worried about you."

She gave him a small smile. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Jim asked cupping her chin in his hand. Trixie nodded. "All right." Jim gave her a kiss before heading off to help Brian and Mart.
 

* * * * *

Back at Ten Acres that night, Trixie sat in the living room rocking Jimmy in her arms. He was sound asleep. His fists were clenched and his mouth made little puckering motions. As she watched him sleep, she thought back to the morning after he was born when Moms visited her at the hospital.

A nurse had just brought Jimmy to her and she was feeding him when Moms came into the room. "How is my daughter and newest grandchild?"

"Doing wonderfully," Trixie said as Moms moved to the bed. "Would you like to hold him?"

"I'd be honored." Moms gently picked her grandson up and cradled him in her arms. She looked at Trixie. "He's adorable. What's his name?"

"James Matthew Winthrop Frayne."

"After his father's fathers."

"Exactly. We thought it was fitting."

Moms sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling? Thirty-four hours of labor is a lot."

"I'm all right. Just a little sore." Trixie smiled. "I have to admit that I didn't expect it to take that long."

"It was easier with Katje, wasn't it?"

"Of course. I was unconscious."

"True," Moms said with a laugh as she pulled Jimmy close. "Even after that long of labor, would you want to have another one?"

Trixie smiled. "It's not out of the question."

"You're doing a wonderful job as a mother, Trixie. I can see how happy they are."

"I had a good teacher."

I have so much to learn from her still, she thought as she pulled Jimmy close to her chest. And I won't be learning those lessons. Tears streamed down Trixie's face. Moms is gone. Who will I ask all those questions that I don't have answers for? How am I going to get the answers? I don't know everything about raising children. I still need her advice.

Hearing footsteps, Trixie turned and through her tears saw Jim standing in the doorway. "Sweetie?"

"I'm sorry," Trixie said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

Jim moved over to her and crouched down next to the rocking chair. "You don't have to be sorry." He brushed a curl behind her ear. "I understand."

"It just doesn't seem fair. She shouldn't have died."

"Maybe it was her time. We just have to accept what's happened."

"It's just been two days and I already miss her," Trixie cried.

Jim leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. She continued to cry as Jim rubbed her back. She wondered if she would ever stop missing Moms. She knew that would never happen. She loved Moms and wanted to keep her memory alive. After a few moments, Jim leaned back and wiped her eyes. He kept his hand on her cheek. "It's been a long day. We should get some sleep because tomorrow will be just as long."

"I don't think I can sleep."

"At least try to rest. You won't be doing anyone any good if you're asleep on your feet."

Trixie looked at Jim knowing he had a point. "All right."

Jim smiled. "Come on."

As Trixie started up the stairs, Jim turned off the lights and followed her. Settling in bed, Trixie put her head on Jim's chest and he pulled her close. He whispered, "Try to sleep."

"I'll try."

* * * * *

Two days later, Trixie exited the house and headed for the lake that was on the Wheeler property. She had talked to a lot of friends of her mother's after the funeral and needed a break. As she walked to the lake, she knew she could take this time to organize her thoughts. She didn't have to worry about Katje or Jimmy because her mother-in-law had hired a couple sitters to watch all the children.

Reaching the lake, she made her way out to the edge of the dock and sat down. Looking around, she thought about all the fun her brothers and her and their friends had at the lake. One moment stood out in her mind.

She had been 15 and they were in the middle of their summer vacation. She was at the lake alone with Jim. She knew that once school started, things would change. Jim would be heading off to college. Trixie was taking each day in stride. Jim was one of her best friends and she had a feeling their relationship was going to change. She climbed out of the water and made her way back to her towel.

"Trix, can we talk?"

"Sure." She turned to face Jim. He seemed nervous. "What's up?"

Jim looked at the ground. "Well, you know that in a few weeks I'll be heading off to college."

"You are going to have a great time," Trixie said. "And with you and Brian going first, you'll be able to tell the rest of us what to expect."

"College will be a new experience," Jim admitted. "But that's not what I want to talk about."

She looked at him closely. He sounded serious. She wondered if something happened. She sat beside him. "Jim, what's going on?"

He reached over and took her hand in his. "Trix, you and I know each other so well. We seem to think along the same lines, a lot. But, with me going to college in September, I'm afraid that will change."

"It won't change. We're best friends."

He looked at her. "I want something else."

Trixie pulled her hand away. She had a feeling that Jim didn't want to be her friend anymore. "You no longer want to be my friend?"

"I didn't mean that," Jim said quickly. "I want to always be your friend." He took her hand in his. "I would like something more for us."

Trixie asked slowly," Like what?"

"Trixie, like I said, we know each other so well and I would like us to be boyfriend and girlfriend."

Trixie stared at him. She wasn't sure she heard him right. "You want us to start dating?"

Jim nodded. "I want you to be my girlfriend if you're interested. But, if you're not, I understand." He spoke quickly as he got to his feet. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I thought I should. You probably think I'm crazy."

Trixie listened to Jim ramble. She couldn't believe it. This was something she always dreamed about and it was coming true. "Jim?"

He turned quickly to face her. Hope, written all over his face. "Yes?"

Trixie got to her feet and moved toward him. Taking his hands in hers, she said, "I would love to be your girlfriend."

She watched Jim's eyes light up. "Really?'

"Really."

Jim cupped her face in his hands. Leaning toward her, he pressed his lips against hers and they kissed.

When she returned home a short while later, Moms had wondered aloud why she was in such a good mood. After making sure her brothers and father were nowhere around, she told Moms about her and Jim being a couple, and the fact that they finally shared their first kiss.

Moms and I won't have anymore of those conversations, Trixie thought. It was wonderful to be able to talk to her about girl stuff. I didn't have an older sister to talk to, but at least I had Moms while I was growing up. I don't know who I would have talked to if I hadn't had her.

"Trixie! You all right?"

Turning, Trixie saw Jim making his way toward her. When he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"I'm okay." Trixie put her head on Jim's chest.

Jim rubbed her back. "I was a little worried when I couldn't find you in the house."

"I just needed a break."

"I understand."

Trixie lifted her head and looked back at the water. "I can't believe how quickly life can change."

"When it does, we just have to remember the lessons we've learned."

"You're right."

Jim kissed the top of her head. "Come one. We better get back. Some of the visitors are starting to leave."

"Okay." Trixie and Jim started back to the farm.

* * * * *

At Ten Acres that night, Trixie stood at the window gazing up at the stars. She immediately spotted the North Star. She then saw another star next to it that she had never seen before. Closing her eyes, she made a wish on the star. She thought, I know I can't wish for Moms to come back, but I can wish for her spirit to remain with us forever. I know that she will always offer us guidance.

Trixie opened her eyes and looked back at the stars. "I love you Moms. I will love you forever."

THE END

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